We have seen so many relationship advise columns. We have been served so many ways of recognizing and measuring love.
“he opens car doors for you” “he’s a gentle man around you” “he will want to marry” “he will buy you gifts” “he will not want to hurt your feelings” “he calls you 5 times a day” ” he texts you” bla bla bla.
See, any player or good guy can treat you right. If you are pretty, rich, intelligent, most guys will treat you right. No big deal really. Most men will treat you right until they have gotten what they want from you whether it is sex, one-night stand, side dish, contact, or marriage. In fact, many men show their true colours after marriage. That is why I keep saying this Getting married is a destination, preserving your marriage is a whole new never ending journey entirely! Everything does not automatically become perfect because of that metal on your finger or that piece of paper you signed. In fact, it is only an admission letter into the marriage institution. Whether you pass or fail in that school is a different thing entirely.
These are what I have been able to gather about the love-o-meter of most men.
1. A Man Madly In love Will Marry You ASAP: Now this is a tricky one. Like I mentioned in my last thread, men these days do not necessarily marry because of love. Many marry because they need a wife/help meet for whatever reasons. However when a man really loves you, he marries you because he loves you and not because he needs a wife. The remaining points will help you know if you are going to be a “wife in need” or beloved wife.
2. People Will Tell You He Loves You: When a man is crazy about you, your friends, family members, colleagues, associates, and all who have seen you guys together will tell you. Those who have known him long before you came into his life will ask you “what have you done to him? ” There will be a noticeable change in him that will surprise people. If he as a good guy before you came along, he will be even better with you. If he was a bad guy, he will suddenly melt like butter when he’s with you. There has to be a special factor. Something unusual. Something that will make people marvel.
3. Your Intuition Will Affirm This: Females have powerful intuitions. Always listen to yours. It is hardly ever wrong. If you asked most woman in bad marriages, they’d admit that they always knew something was terribly wrong but naively thought it will get better. You cannot change a man or even make him love you. You can only awaken/re-awaken the feelings already in him.
4. The Fear Of Loosing You Becomes The Beginning Of Wisdom: He can’t stand the thought of you walking out of his life, he’s sure not going to turn into a vegetable but sister, he’s going to do what he can and avoid whatever he must to make sure you stay even if he has to give up his priced bachelorhood.
5. He Will Spend On You…… With Pleasure: A guy will be happy to spend his hard earned cash on you whether or not he gets to sleep with you or even date you. It may not start immediately but after a while especially if he’s trying to see if you are materialistic. Give your man sometime while you prove that you are worth his money.
6. If He Was A Player, He Protects You From His Bad Friends/Crazy Exes, etc.: Normally if you are dating a player or typical bad boy ladies man, his friends will make passes at you, even disrespect you, etc. Other girls will want to fight you, etc. But he will be your knight. He will spell it out to his friends that. “Nna mehn, I am feeling this babe. Dis na my babe.” he will mark you and his friends will understand that perfectly. Other girls will feel intimidated by your presence and will not even dare speak to you not to talk of challenging you.
7. It’s No Longer Sex, It Becomes Love making: He plays you like a Spanish guitar, that’s because he wants to leave his mark on you, he wants you to enjoy it as much as he does. He wants you to feel him. It becomes like an art and not like a romp. A man that loves you doesn’t withdraw immediately after climaxing and doesn’t jump off the bed after the show. He stays a little longer holding you unless if he’s in a hurry to go somewhere important.
After Marriage:
8. He Refers To You And Treats You Like His Better Half: Yes. A man who truly loves you will get even better after marriage. He will give you more than he gives himself, etc. You are his madam in all ramifications even while he protects you with the last drop of his blood.
9. He Doesn’t Make It A Habit To Take Things From You: That’s because he didn’t marry you because of daddy’s wealth or your six-figure salary. He will want to give more than he takes.
10. He Respects Your Opinions: He may not always go by them, but he will respect them. It’s left to you to be able to know how to make him actually act on them. Know how to pull his strings.
11. He Doesn’t Freak Out Or Make Your Life Miserable When The Children Haven’t Started Coming In: There might be occasional awkward moments here and there, but he’s not going to start giving ultimatums, or threats, or cut down on your weekly/monthly money because you haven’t given him a child yet. He will protect you from outside ridicule/pressures, etc.
12. He Doesn’t Put Pressure On You To Get/Retain A Job: That’s because he didn’t get married because he needed a financial partner. He married you because he loves you so he’s not going to treat or see you as a liability if you are not yet working.
Disclaimer: Love is not a bed of roses. Don’t always expect him to be a gentleman. Why should he always open car doors for you? Are you a learner? Even Prince Philips doesn’t open doors for Queen Elizabeth all the time when they are not in public! If he’s a busy man, a top govt official, company senior official, successful businessman, etc. he cannot be calling you everyday. Even if he is a low income earner. BUT he will always make up in ways that will make it all worthwhile. He cannot always call you “honey” “baby” etc. Some days he will call your full name sef “Oluwayemisi come here!” ” Chimbusonma I want to eat” “Nkechiyere don’t waste my time” There will be tough times as well. Times when you will even cry and wonder what you are doing with him, but these points should console you and assure you that you are on the right track.
Cheers!
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